Bet THAT title got your attention, yes? Well, good, because it was supposed to. I've had a couple things weighing on my mind for the last two or three weeks, and I think the only way I'll be able to get my mind to SHUTUP is by writing it all out.
Let's be honest here. We're all human. And we make mistakes, LOTS of them. And I feel like lately, all of my mistakes are of the CATASTROPHIC variety. You know, the kind where you just want to lie down where no one else can see you and curl up and cry. A lot. Lots of crying. And something I've found lately, is, sometimes the things you do can hurt so badly that even all the crying in the world can't fix it or make you feel better.
Something I haven't really touched on in any of my posts (ANOTHER one of those mistakes I was talking about) is my faith. I am a daughter of God, flawed though I may be. However, in the last few months, I have NOT been the Christlike example that God calls us all to be. I have felt dirty, and unworthy to be called a Christian. Now, if I told the average person all the things I have done to make me feel this way, they would probably say something along the lines of "Oh, Myra. Don't be silly. You haven't done anything too bad. It's not like you killed anyone." Which may be true, but let me share something my youth minister said in a lesson one time that I think should put that statement into a different perspective for you.
If I went outside right now and stepped on an ant and killed it, no one would care. It would not upset or affect anyone- except maybe some kind of freak ant enthusiast. I'm sure there's one out there somewhere.
Now, lets say I moved up from ants and went and killed, say, a cat. Some people would be upset, and PETA would probably throw a bunch of red paint on me. But it's not like I would go to jail for the rest of my life.
Now. What if I killed an innocent child? A defenseless baby, even? Ohhhhhh, man. I would get arrested, I would go to jail, I would lose everything and everyone I care about, and might even get the death penalty and die for it. Because that's an awful, awful thing to do. (cough cough CASEY ANTHONY).
But look back. It's the same thing, every time. Every time,I was killing something. It was the same act. The only variable that changes is who the act is committed against. It's not the action itself that people pay attention to, it's who it's done to.
Now think here....when you sin, who are you committing the sin against? Sometimes it might be against something as trivial as an ant, sometimes you might even end up hurting another human being. But in reality, EVERY SIN YOU EVER COMMIT IS AGAINST GOD.
God, who is more important than an ant. More important than a cat. More important than a baby.
When you lie, you are lying to GOD.
When you say hurtful things, you're hurting GOD.
When you commit adultery, you are cheating on GOD.
No matter what sin you commit, all of them are equally damning. Because all of them are committed against God. So why is it that some sins are trivialized, and made out as "not as bad" as others? Everyone flips out when a murder is committed, but how many people care when someone lies? Or when they disrespect their parents? Or when they begin to idolize other things besides God?
Think. It's not the sin. It's the importance, if you will, of the person it is committed against. And every time, it's GOD you're sinning against. Think about that next time you tell a little white lie and try to rationalize that there are "worse things" you could be doing. Think about it next time you put someone down. The next time you think, "It's okay for me to sleep with my boyfriend/girlfriend because we love each other".
None of it is okay. All of it is equally wrong. Do NOT make the so called "smaller" sins okay for you. And do not tolerate them in others. TELL a fellow brother or sister in Christ when they're wrong!!! Do not tell them lying is okay. Or cheating. Or disrespecting their parents. Or going out with friends instead of church, thereby putting them before God.
Now back to the title of this post, to which you might say, "Hey, Myra. That's like, totally harsh." Well, maybe. But it's true. I'm an unworthy piece of crap and so are you and everyone else. And if you ever meet anyone who's all, "Yeah dude, I'm TOTALLY worthy for the grace of God. I deserve it, yo!!!" Run away fast because he is INSANE. None of us are worthy of God's love and mercy.
WE ARE ALL UNWORTHY PIECES OF CRAP.
But hey, good news!!!! One of the great things about God's grace is that he gives it to us even though we ARE undeserving. And He can wash away all those feelings of not being good enough, of being dirty, unworthy, and like you don't matter. So cheer up, Charlie, there's hope. :)
I hope you all have taken something positive away from all this....I've never written a post like this before, so I hope you all liked it. Comment and let me know your thoughts on all this. And from now on I'll keep you guys more updated on my walk with Christ. Just know, if you are struggling or have problems, you are not alone. :))
Bye!
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